Dear Negative Ego re: [dream]

I had a strange dream yesterday where I was conducting a meditation class. Three unusual looking people came to class dressed in oversized black clothes. They were a father, son and daughter. They told me that the mother who was not there introduced them to love and light, which I thought was an odd statement. Just as I was starting the meditation, the sister started to talk on her phone which I chose to ignore. And then the brother started to talk to the person next to him about a guru he has. I told him to keep quiet as we were doing a meditation. Then he spoke even louder about his guru. I raised my voice and told him and his sister firmly that I will not have anyone disrupt the class and if they are not interested they must leave now.

I woke up from the dream, feeling a little dis-oriented, you negative ego tried to instill guilt in me, saying I was not being nice by saying what I said. I did not engage with you emotionally but I took a deep breath, spent some time grounding my energies and cleared my head and realised that it was indeed your voice niggling at me to feel guilt or bad for being firm to the people in the dream. Negative ego I will not have you sabotaging me and my best efforts, not even in my dream state. Be gone!

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion]

We did a little detour when we had lunch in the city, and hopped on to a monorail to the little island off the mainland. Part of the island has been transformed to a resort, with a cluster of hotels, a casino and universal studios.

While we walked around investigating the changes, I felt a tinge of sadness overcome me. I knew immediately this is your work, negative ego. You made me feel a sense of sadness that the world has come to this -- that an island which used to have beautiful natural surroundings has now been transformed to a concrete jungle of hotels, casino and a playing field to cultivate mammon. 

I quickly pulled you out and said, no I refuse to see the world through your perspective of despair and sadness. Yes it may be true that mammon seems to rule most of the world at this time, but that is not something I should be sad about or to allow you to come in to focus on illusion. I see this as an opportunity to remind me why I am here on earth and that all the more my focus must be in God and Self Realization.

Be gone negative ego!

Dear negative ego re: [compassion & judgment]

Someone sent me an email calling me a 'farce' and saying that I was not 'genuine' and he ended the email with 'love' followed by his initials. I immediately responded in feeling compassion towards him that he would feel a need to attack in order to feel better about himself. I also saw the humour in the contradictory email, one of attack and 'love'.

A few minutes later, however, you negative ego decided that you needed to get in on the act and have your share of the pie as well, so you tried to instigate thoughts of judgment towards this man. I laughed you off and said to you, you are a little late with your comments. I have chosen to respond in compassion and I am going to stick with that!

Go away little one, you have no place in my consciousness.

Dear Negative Ego re: more busy-ness

And so the busy-ness has not stopped, in fact things have increased in tempo in the last 10 days. Because of the untimely move of the office together with the pre-planned (more than 6 months ago) vacation which we are about to take tomorrow, it is now a tsunami of things to do! LOL! And boy, do I see you sneaking in with every opportunity to introduce thoughts and feelings of stress. I am putting out the fires now, but since today is the day where everything it coming together before I go, I know you will be there trying to steer me away from course.

In adjusting budgets for the move and renovation of the new office, I know you will try to sneak in thoughts of lack and say we don't have enough even when we do. So don't even try.

In managing contractors while I am away on vacation, I know you will try to sneak in to say they will do things wrongly if I am not here to supervise them. Well, I am going to have a last meeting with the contractor today and have an easy plan to work with them and I trust the contractor, so negative ego your attempts will be futile.

In managing people who want their sessions yesterday, I just have to explain the situation and hope they will understand. Negative ego, I know you will try to pull me off centre with this one. But I am staying rooted here, I am not going to go buy into your game. I always do my best ad even if situations are beyond my control, I am leaving it in the hands of God.

Negative ego, I know you've been trying to stop me from going on this vacation by saying that when I come back there's going to be more work, so is it worth going? You also say I should bring my laptop to try to sneak in some work because my email inbox is going to be overloaded by the time I get back. But I am not going to give in to you. If it is overloaded, so be it. I will just deal with one thing at a time and prioritise my time, things that are not urgent can always wait because I am going on my vacation whether you like it or not! :)

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion of lack of time and the illusion of death]

I was planning to use this time before Christmas to catch up on paper work and emails, but grandma passed on yesterday. You tried to instill energies of stress by saying there's no time to do anything! When am I ever going to have time? I breathed your words out....

And listened to my own still voice within and know that this is just a glitch in time. With proper planning, all will work out well. Some things will have to wait as well. So here I am writing this blog and after which I will spend 15 minutes planning my time for the next few days and also to fulfill my commitment to my 4 year old that Christmas will be wonderful despite all that is going on.

So negative ego I know this is your big chance to jump into everything that is happening. But I promise you that I will be extra vigilant!

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

A friend offered a service which I needed, I agreed to the terms including the fee knowing that he will not be able to deliver his service in integrity, as this has been a pattern of his from the past. Knowing what I know but because I needed the service (and in my mind decided that this was going to be the last time I use his services), I agreed. But I could see you slowly creeping in.

So the day came and true enough, at the last moment, the service was not up to par which caused some inconvenience to me. But I was prepared for it. In anticipation of what might happen, I created a battleplan before hand on how to handle this. I gave him a chance to right it, but he didn't take it. So remaining centred I did what I had to do. Negative ego, you tried to pull me into judgment of him, as well as self blame. But I told you, I am already prepared for this so don't even try to pull me off centre.

I am glad all turned out well for me in the end. And that I took responsibility for what I created for myself.

Dear Negative ego re: [little irritants]

You've been trying pull me off centre the past few mornings. I am happy to say by today, your voice has almost diminished with regards to the situation with my dog. I am not going to give you power in this, so you might as well stay away.

My 13 year old beagle, Trix who is deaf and almost blind has picked up this habit of barking now every morning at 5am. Beagles with sharp noses can smell anything a mile away. So Trix knows when I am awake even though she is confined at the back kitchen for her own safety (but she can smell me!) and she is insistent that taking her for her walk should be the first thing I do now instead of waiting for 6 or 6.30am, which means my morning routine is also now thrown off. So she barks to get my attention and she knows that I will go to her because I don't want to wake the entire neighourhood up with her incessant baying. Her barking tends to echo through the whole condo estate!

Anyway, negative ego, your efforts to introduce irritation and anxiety towards the dog is not working. I spotted it on the first day they surfaced. But I chose not to energise them, but made the conscious effort instead to remain even and calm. Changing my morning routine is no big deal, it is working out fine with me and Trix. So negative ego, stay away!

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

I knew how you would come in when I am in a half asleep mode so I was really glad I reminded myself to watch out for you.

Last night after being woken up by a loud and incessant vibration from the apartment downstairs, I couldn't go back to sleep as the sound and vibration were going through the floor, the bed and my pillow. I could not figure out what it was, but it sounded like a big machine that was going. I told myself that you would surface to try to pull me off centre, and lo and behold! you did. You introduced judgmental thoughts about the neighbour downstairs. But I refused to listen. I simply went to another room to continue my sleep.

Negative ego, I have had experience of you slipping in easily when I was in half sleep mode, but not this time! Be gone!

Dear Negative ego...

I see the traps you set up for many on the spiritual path. Having people believe that they are on the path of mastery when they have spiritual knowledge and having people believe that they are on the way to mastery just because they have certain knowledge and information. I have fallen into your trap in the past. And I will not allow you to trap me again.

I know that what I know in my mind and my patterns of behaviour must be in alignment with God consciousness. To paraphrase Dr Stone, if what we know and what we do are not in alignment, this will result in separative consciousness. And indeed these are words of wisdom, and are so true.

So I am determined to do what I have to do to keep on transforming my thoughts (conscious and subconscious ones), my feelings/emotions, my speech, my actions to be in total alignment with what I know through my spiritual studies. It is certainly not enough to know, I must act, breathe and be the God consciousness on every level of my being.

Negative ego, I know you are not going to just let me go so easily. But I want you to know that I am aware of your illusionary nature and I will keep on working on clearing these illusions for as long as I am in existence in God's universe so that my reality will be in alignment with the reality of God. And that's a promise!

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion]

You were out in full force the first day I arrived here in this service apartment in KL. The energies in this place was really murky and suffocating and I knew that there were some major clearing of the space needed. I switched apartments two times already, and this current apartment seems to be the best of the lot. You tried to instill all kinds of thoughts that are not in alignment with God while I did the clearing of the space. I had a difficult first night working through this murky space and with the support of God, spirit and the masters we managed it. But you kept trying to come in with your own agenda. Thank God for the core fear matrix removal program, I kept you at bay and did what I had to do to make the space as clear as possible.

I am glad now that all is well and I can continue to work and stay in this place for another night. Negative ego, I see that what I experienced was just a test, I am blessed for it makes me an even effective healer and has improved my skills in energy clearing! Bye negative ego!

Dear Negative Ego re: [parenting]

My young daughter has been asking me lots of questions about God, heaven and death. Questions such as where was she before she was born? Did we know each other as little girls when we were in heaven with God? How does God look like? If God made everything, then why are houses built by people?

You negative ego tried to look for easy ways out of this by recommending answers that are delusional and untrue. You will try to look for ways to escape these questions. You do not want her to know the truth, neither do you want her to be educated in the right way.

I make my stand clear with you that I will not allow you to interfere in her spiritual education. I will be creative in my age relevant replies to allow her to understand within her scope. I will not allow you to instill impatience even if her questions come at an 'inconvenient' time. You try so hard at times, but please negative ego you are not winning at this, just be gone!

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

I facilitated a mini workshop last night to a group of about 55 women. The topic was on Romantic Relationship & Communication. It was by and large a good mini workshop.

At the end the workshop, the women were given survey forms to fill in to assist us to improve on our services and also for market research. After the whole workshop was over, we looked through the forms to see the kinds of feedback we were getting.

One of the forms stood out from the rest. The question asked was, how relevant was the topic of the workshop to the participant. The answer was, not relevant and poor relevance.

You negative ego zeroed on on that immediately tried to jump in and I could hear your voice saying, "Then why did she come to the workshop? The title was self explanatory! It was for women only! And it was on relationship and communication! What was she thinking?"

I observed what you said, but let it slide off and didn't energise it further. I was having a good day and a good end to the day and I was not about to let you ruin it for me. You can say whatever you want about the feedback from that person, but I am not taking what has been said personally. It is none of my business why the person came. I was there, I delivered well and I know many gained a lot from it.

Negative ego be gone!

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

I had a long and intensive weekend of workshops and you tried to take the opportunity to steer me out of my centredness today - on my last day in Malaysia. I got on the coach to take me back to Singapore, but the journey was longer than usual with hiccups and waiting along the way. It became almost a 7 hour coach ride back. There was also a big group of of tourists on the coach who were talking and shouting at the top of their voices throughout the entire journey. I tried to rest but you kept wanting to interfere by injecting all kinds of judgmental thoughts about the coach service, and the tourists.

I said to you, I'm not going to play into your game....not after a long weekend of vigilance that was maintained. But you know what, I knew that something like this was going to happen because it is always wise to expect to be tested and to be ready for it. Despite the weariness, I remained in the eye of the hurricane and came home at peace with myself and how I handled you and myself.

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

I watched for you yesterday. But it was not obvious to me, even if you did surface in my consciousness. I had a busy day with a workshop and sessions later. I was focused on doing God's work and perhaps didn't have the spare time to let you come in. Maybe you did surface and I wasn't aware. However, I am not going to rest on my laurels and I certainly do not think that you are gone for good. I know you will always try, but guess what, I will never give up my connection to God no matter how tempting, no matter how challenging you may have me perceive the world and my challenges.

I will continue to be vigilant and watch out for you because it is not my desire for you to have power over me in any way. I will continue to score for God.