Dear Negative Ego re: {Patience}

Last week I was tested on how much patience I had when dealing with the administration staff of a Children's Gymnastics school.

I was merely trying to book for a trial class for my daughter for Sat. And so the Monday before that I called the number given. The man who picked up said he would call me back in the afternoon when he had access to the computer. I was fine with that.

No phone call. Wednesday comes, I decided to call again. This time a lady picked up the phone and she tells me that she is not an admin staff and so cannot access the system but said she will leave a message for someone to call me back the next day.

Thursday comes. No phone call. So I called them in the afternoon and spoke to the same man who had no memory of us speaking on Monday and he said he would call me back when he had access to the system. Immediately I stopped him from hanging up by saying, "I will call you tomorrow if you give me a time". He hesitated and said "maybe it is better if I will call you", but I insisted and said, "no it is better I call you, give me a time". So he said to call him at 11am the next day and he was very polite about it.

[Reader, are you running out of patience yet reading this? lol!]

So Friday 11am comes. I call him. No answer. I try again in a few minutes, I got an engaged tone.

By this time, you negative ego was soooo ready to jump into the party! In that split second, you ran a judgmental thought through my mind, "What kind of a business are they running? This is Singapore, and not some third world country!" (no offense to people living in these countries, negative ego was really going for it!)

Immediately, I seized your negative ego thought as if I could literally grasp it by its neck and threw it out! And said to you, "Oh no, you don't. Not now! I've been practicing enough patience so far and I am not going to let you stop me from remaining even minded. Out you go!"

So I made that phone call again at 11.30am, the man answered, got the information I needed and got my daughter registered for Saturday.

[Sasha has since attended the trail class and loved it and will continue to do the class for the entire term. Thank you God for the lesson on patience!]

Bye negative ego.....

Dear Negative Ego [re: accident]

While waiting for the bus this morning, a lady stood next to me and she dropped her umbrella on my toes (I was wearing sandals). The metallic part of the umbrella hit directly on the most sensitive part of my 2nd last small toe. I went ouch! and lifted my leg up not being able to put it down due to the pain.

The lady as if oblivious to what has happened, slowly picked up the umbrella and without looking at me, muttered sorry as though it was my fault for being there! You, negative ego really wanted my inner child to react towards her oblivion, wanting to send her negative vibes. So I said to you, negative ego, come on! this is not what I want to do. And proceeded to tell my body that this is a good reminder to ground my energies through my foot.

I almost chuckled out loud at the comedy of it all. So negative ego, here's another one for laughing you off stage!

Dear Negative Ego re: [dream]

I had a strange dream yesterday where I was conducting a meditation class. Three unusual looking people came to class dressed in oversized black clothes. They were a father, son and daughter. They told me that the mother who was not there introduced them to love and light, which I thought was an odd statement. Just as I was starting the meditation, the sister started to talk on her phone which I chose to ignore. And then the brother started to talk to the person next to him about a guru he has. I told him to keep quiet as we were doing a meditation. Then he spoke even louder about his guru. I raised my voice and told him and his sister firmly that I will not have anyone disrupt the class and if they are not interested they must leave now.

I woke up from the dream, feeling a little dis-oriented, you negative ego tried to instill guilt in me, saying I was not being nice by saying what I said. I did not engage with you emotionally but I took a deep breath, spent some time grounding my energies and cleared my head and realised that it was indeed your voice niggling at me to feel guilt or bad for being firm to the people in the dream. Negative ego I will not have you sabotaging me and my best efforts, not even in my dream state. Be gone!

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion]

We did a little detour when we had lunch in the city, and hopped on to a monorail to the little island off the mainland. Part of the island has been transformed to a resort, with a cluster of hotels, a casino and universal studios.

While we walked around investigating the changes, I felt a tinge of sadness overcome me. I knew immediately this is your work, negative ego. You made me feel a sense of sadness that the world has come to this -- that an island which used to have beautiful natural surroundings has now been transformed to a concrete jungle of hotels, casino and a playing field to cultivate mammon. 

I quickly pulled you out and said, no I refuse to see the world through your perspective of despair and sadness. Yes it may be true that mammon seems to rule most of the world at this time, but that is not something I should be sad about or to allow you to come in to focus on illusion. I see this as an opportunity to remind me why I am here on earth and that all the more my focus must be in God and Self Realization.

Be gone negative ego!

Dear negative ego re: [compassion & judgment]

Someone sent me an email calling me a 'farce' and saying that I was not 'genuine' and he ended the email with 'love' followed by his initials. I immediately responded in feeling compassion towards him that he would feel a need to attack in order to feel better about himself. I also saw the humour in the contradictory email, one of attack and 'love'.

A few minutes later, however, you negative ego decided that you needed to get in on the act and have your share of the pie as well, so you tried to instigate thoughts of judgment towards this man. I laughed you off and said to you, you are a little late with your comments. I have chosen to respond in compassion and I am going to stick with that!

Go away little one, you have no place in my consciousness.

Dear Negative Ego re: [laugh]

With so many changes happening right now at the work front and personal front, I can see where and how you would try to jump in to catch me off guard, you have tried many times, and some of the times you did succeed for a short while until I realised it was your doing. Well, I found that the times I managed to pull myself out of your hold, were the times I laughed.

I laughed at my own mistakes, I laughed inside when someone says or does something negative to me, I laughed with loved ones over silly mis-communications, I simply laughed you off. Not only did the laughter offer physical and emotional/mental release of tension, the laughter helped me to think better! So there, negative ego, try to beat the laughter and smile off my face :)

Dear Negative Ego re: [Change]

I recently changed my exercise regime as my body has gotten used to the old regime and so I have plateaued. The new regime is of a higher intensity and I do feel much better for it, and also increased stamina, and mental clarity.

You, negative ego, I can hear you chattering away in the background saying I won't be able to keep up with it and that I will give up because I am not able to maintain it in the long term. I want you to know that I have taken everything into consideration such as schedule, amount of time, fitness, value of the new regime and it is reaping the rewards I am looking for with a smaller amount of time put in. So don't try to steer me off course. I am on it and intend to be on it for the long term. Cheers to good health and bye to you negative ego!

Dear Negative Ego re: more busy-ness

And so the busy-ness has not stopped, in fact things have increased in tempo in the last 10 days. Because of the untimely move of the office together with the pre-planned (more than 6 months ago) vacation which we are about to take tomorrow, it is now a tsunami of things to do! LOL! And boy, do I see you sneaking in with every opportunity to introduce thoughts and feelings of stress. I am putting out the fires now, but since today is the day where everything it coming together before I go, I know you will be there trying to steer me away from course.

In adjusting budgets for the move and renovation of the new office, I know you will try to sneak in thoughts of lack and say we don't have enough even when we do. So don't even try.

In managing contractors while I am away on vacation, I know you will try to sneak in to say they will do things wrongly if I am not here to supervise them. Well, I am going to have a last meeting with the contractor today and have an easy plan to work with them and I trust the contractor, so negative ego your attempts will be futile.

In managing people who want their sessions yesterday, I just have to explain the situation and hope they will understand. Negative ego, I know you will try to pull me off centre with this one. But I am staying rooted here, I am not going to go buy into your game. I always do my best ad even if situations are beyond my control, I am leaving it in the hands of God.

Negative ego, I know you've been trying to stop me from going on this vacation by saying that when I come back there's going to be more work, so is it worth going? You also say I should bring my laptop to try to sneak in some work because my email inbox is going to be overloaded by the time I get back. But I am not going to give in to you. If it is overloaded, so be it. I will just deal with one thing at a time and prioritise my time, things that are not urgent can always wait because I am going on my vacation whether you like it or not! :)

Dear Negative Ego re: Busy-ness

It has been interesting start to the new year. Lots happening on the work front, and then daughter falling sick with viral fever, and at the same time looking for a new work space as we have to move out by the end of this month. Being so busy meant I spend a lot of my time doing, and in order to integrate my spiritual practices (and Be) amidst the hectic schedule, I have to multi-task more than usual.

You told me that I was not being sincere if I tried to Be in the now by focusing on God's name while doing something else at the same time. But I will not have you run me down. I know that by focusing on God's name amidst the busy-ness it gives me the strength, the energy to do what I have to and at the same time stay attuned to God.

I know this is only temporary, and that things will settle down. So negative ego, be gone for I will rest in the peace of God within my heart.

Dear Negative Ego re: [Spiritual warrior]

I have laid out my plans and goals for the new year, and also set timelines and reminders to myself for all I would like to achieve on the levels of spiritual/psychological growth, service work, personal development, learning and gaining new knowledge, family life, relationships with others and many more.

I can see that you are brewing inside your little consciousness trying to think of ways to distract me and to come up with your own agenda to push me off track. I can feel that you are also putting up stronger and stronger fights, but I will not give in to you. I may go off track for a day, but I always pull myself back again, that much I know for sure. I want you to know that the battleground is ready and I am a Spiritual Warrior that never gives up. The time is now, and this is the lifetime that I have been waiting for, through all lessons acquired from past lives and this lifetime is like a showdown! And this is the point where I will put up the hardest fight towards God and Self Realization. So bring it on!