Dear Negative Ego re: more busy-ness

And so the busy-ness has not stopped, in fact things have increased in tempo in the last 10 days. Because of the untimely move of the office together with the pre-planned (more than 6 months ago) vacation which we are about to take tomorrow, it is now a tsunami of things to do! LOL! And boy, do I see you sneaking in with every opportunity to introduce thoughts and feelings of stress. I am putting out the fires now, but since today is the day where everything it coming together before I go, I know you will be there trying to steer me away from course.

In adjusting budgets for the move and renovation of the new office, I know you will try to sneak in thoughts of lack and say we don't have enough even when we do. So don't even try.

In managing contractors while I am away on vacation, I know you will try to sneak in to say they will do things wrongly if I am not here to supervise them. Well, I am going to have a last meeting with the contractor today and have an easy plan to work with them and I trust the contractor, so negative ego your attempts will be futile.

In managing people who want their sessions yesterday, I just have to explain the situation and hope they will understand. Negative ego, I know you will try to pull me off centre with this one. But I am staying rooted here, I am not going to go buy into your game. I always do my best ad even if situations are beyond my control, I am leaving it in the hands of God.

Negative ego, I know you've been trying to stop me from going on this vacation by saying that when I come back there's going to be more work, so is it worth going? You also say I should bring my laptop to try to sneak in some work because my email inbox is going to be overloaded by the time I get back. But I am not going to give in to you. If it is overloaded, so be it. I will just deal with one thing at a time and prioritise my time, things that are not urgent can always wait because I am going on my vacation whether you like it or not! :)

Dear Negative Ego re: Busy-ness

It has been interesting start to the new year. Lots happening on the work front, and then daughter falling sick with viral fever, and at the same time looking for a new work space as we have to move out by the end of this month. Being so busy meant I spend a lot of my time doing, and in order to integrate my spiritual practices (and Be) amidst the hectic schedule, I have to multi-task more than usual.

You told me that I was not being sincere if I tried to Be in the now by focusing on God's name while doing something else at the same time. But I will not have you run me down. I know that by focusing on God's name amidst the busy-ness it gives me the strength, the energy to do what I have to and at the same time stay attuned to God.

I know this is only temporary, and that things will settle down. So negative ego, be gone for I will rest in the peace of God within my heart.

Dear Negative Ego re: [Spiritual warrior]

I have laid out my plans and goals for the new year, and also set timelines and reminders to myself for all I would like to achieve on the levels of spiritual/psychological growth, service work, personal development, learning and gaining new knowledge, family life, relationships with others and many more.

I can see that you are brewing inside your little consciousness trying to think of ways to distract me and to come up with your own agenda to push me off track. I can feel that you are also putting up stronger and stronger fights, but I will not give in to you. I may go off track for a day, but I always pull myself back again, that much I know for sure. I want you to know that the battleground is ready and I am a Spiritual Warrior that never gives up. The time is now, and this is the lifetime that I have been waiting for, through all lessons acquired from past lives and this lifetime is like a showdown! And this is the point where I will put up the hardest fight towards God and Self Realization. So bring it on!

Dear Negative Ego re: [parenting]

We went for a Parents-Teacher Meeting and we were discussing some of the little projects the children were doing at school. And one of them was a cooking project. The teacher told me that the kids made fried rice with salmon and they had a good time. And she said in a laughing manner, "And I'm sorry, I know Sasha is a vegetarian but I gave her some salmon to try...." laughter.

You wanted me to jump in and make a fuss about it, but I simply breathe it out and said, "Did she like it?"

When we left the meeting, I was thinking and weighing the options of what is best for our daughter. The method of education is what we like in this day care as it has an emphasis on self expression, creativity, life skills and so on.

However, you negative ego wanted me to feel that our vegetarian lifestyle was unsupported by the school. I made it clear to you negative ego, that this is to be expected in a world of largely meat eaters where there is still a lack of education of health, sustainable living and the practice of compassion towards other living creatures. I am just going to continue to educate our daughter in the best way I know how and at the same time acknowledge that I cannot shelter her from the world forever. I will do my best and trust in my own abilities to raise my child with our spiritual/moral/ethical values in this world we live in.

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion of lack of time and the illusion of death]

I was planning to use this time before Christmas to catch up on paper work and emails, but grandma passed on yesterday. You tried to instill energies of stress by saying there's no time to do anything! When am I ever going to have time? I breathed your words out....

And listened to my own still voice within and know that this is just a glitch in time. With proper planning, all will work out well. Some things will have to wait as well. So here I am writing this blog and after which I will spend 15 minutes planning my time for the next few days and also to fulfill my commitment to my 4 year old that Christmas will be wonderful despite all that is going on.

So negative ego I know this is your big chance to jump into everything that is happening. But I promise you that I will be extra vigilant!

Dear Negative ego re: [judgment]

Today my sister told me that our grandmother is dying. And I said, "she has been dying for the past 2-3 years".

As I said these words in a matter of fact way, you tried to instill guilt in me that I was being cold or lacking in compassion. The truth is my grandmother is in her 90s and in and out of hospital countless times and the doctor has called for the family to be at her bedside telling us to prepare for her death and this has been done at least 3 times already in the past 2 years. This of course has allowed the family to be very prepared for her transition but grandma remains strong and alive.

I observe that yes, the doctors have given us many false alarms, which is a blessing for the family to prepare but I am not going to allow you, negative ego to instill guilt in me because I am ready for grandma's transition. I am aware that it is a matter of time and I also know that there is no such thing as 'death'.

So negative ego, I know you will try to instill feelings/thoughts that are common in mass consciousness but I am not going to get involved with those lower thoughtforms. I choose to align with the higher understanding of transition and the concept of 'death'.

Dear Negative ego re: [illusion]

As things are getting busy as I am leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow, you have been trying to jump in to start your own party. I am not going to give in to you. You introduced energy sapping thoughts such as, there is too much to do, there's not enough time, or it is too tiring. These are sliding off my golden bubble of protection. I want you to know that I already have my schedule in place, so don't try to sway me into your patterns. I am not going to let you pull me off centre.

I am happy to say that I am full of energy and I am on target with what I want to achieve today and even have time to spend with my family and to complete my chores.

Dear Negative ego re: [patience]

This must be a season of giving as well as repetitions :-)

I was at the supermarket but I didn't bring my shopping bag as it was an unplanned trip to buy some grocery. I went to the cashier and told her to put everything in one plastic bag. She looked at me as if she understood but proceeded to put my things into two bags, so I repeated my request politely again thinking she didn't hear me the first time. She looked at me again, and then continued to put the things into two bags! At this time, negative ego, you were all ready to pounce in. But I remained centred and refused to engage with you in any way. And I looked and smiled at the cashier and said one more time, please put everything in one bag, gesturing 'one bag' at the same time. Then she finally understood me!

You, negative ego again tried to jump in by saying judgmentally, if she didn't understand why didn't she ask! I brushed you off not wanting to give you any more energy than you deserve.

This may be a season of giving, but I am not giving my power away to you negative ego!

Dear Negative ego re: [vigilance]

A friend offered a service which I needed, I agreed to the terms including the fee knowing that he will not be able to deliver his service in integrity, as this has been a pattern of his from the past. Knowing what I know but because I needed the service (and in my mind decided that this was going to be the last time I use his services), I agreed. But I could see you slowly creeping in.

So the day came and true enough, at the last moment, the service was not up to par which caused some inconvenience to me. But I was prepared for it. In anticipation of what might happen, I created a battleplan before hand on how to handle this. I gave him a chance to right it, but he didn't take it. So remaining centred I did what I had to do. Negative ego, you tried to pull me into judgment of him, as well as self blame. But I told you, I am already prepared for this so don't even try to pull me off centre.

I am glad all turned out well for me in the end. And that I took responsibility for what I created for myself.

Dear Negative Ego re: [parenting]

I was reading to my young daughter her bed time story last night and you tried hard to get in into your act. My daughter was asking me a question and I answered her patiently, three seconds later, she asked me the same question and I repeated my answer. Five seconds later she asked the same question again. I could see you coming in and wanting me to get into your act. So I breathed in deeply and answered her again. Then she went on to ask me the same question two more times. I let it pass and said, I'm going to continue reading the book and you can ask me your question later. We finished the book and my young daughter forgot about her question.

This incident reminded me of a video I saw (see below) on youtube. Negative ego, I can see how you would love to jump in and introduce your negative thoughts and feelings. But I am not going to play your game. Be gone.